Category Archives: FRIENDS ARE MEDICINES

What Makes a Real Friend?

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I can imagine people staying in marriage despite difficulties will prolly say they do because they have to. Responsibilities. Commitment. Children. It’s different with friendships though. We are not obliged, we are not committed. We can leave anytime we feel like leaving.

Some say blood is thicker than water. Yet there are also friends who stick like brothers and who are willing to lay down life for you. Generally, a funny and convivial person will pass the average friend test. However, for me to consider a friend a “real friend” I must be able to feel the following :

1. Sense of Contentment – Even if it’s just the two of us talking for a whole day, my day generally feels complete.

2. Sense of Privacy & Respect – He or she should not cross the borderline. Friends should not be overfamiliar with each other. Just because you seem to know almost everything about me doesn’t give you the right to jump and make decisions on my behalf.

3. Always Objective – If I confide to a friend, I like it when he or she doesn’t always just take my side but thinks out of the box and looks at all aspects. I prefer it if I am being opposed to and a different point of view is being presented to me. It un-clouds my mind and helps me see things clearly.

4. Very Simple and Easy to Deal With – Walang arte, walang kiyeme, walang madaming eksplanasyon. I may not see them for a long time and when I do I am not obliged to explain why. They understand that I am leading my own life and have a family to take care of. They are not very clingy, very needy of my attention. And when we meet again, it just feels so easy to fill in each other where we left off. Seems like only yesterday and we’re once again updated. πŸ™‚

5. Respects Your Time -When you lend your time to a friend and give advice, you give a piece of yourself. Simply because the time you gave cannot be returned nor reversed. It simply passed by but it just feel so worthwhile because you know that you just spent your quality time with a quality person. So I really appreciate it when friends come to me for help because they really needed one. Some just come to me for the sake of making papansin (to be noticed and be praised) and at the end of the day my opinion really doesn’t matter to them. So I feel like my time has just been wasted really, especially me who believes that time is very valuable and should be spent wisely.

6. Very Loyal – No matter what I do and especially when I’m blinded, they always have my back.

7. Trustworthy – True friends don’t share my secrets with others because they know that they hold a valuable piece of me that I have entrusted to them. And they know that trust, once broken, is not easy to regain. They also know that trust is not given but earned and the fact that they have earned it from me means that they have gained my confidence. So, prove you’re worthy of that “trust and faith” in all ways possible.

8. Doesn’t blame, doesn’t remind you of your past mistakes – Who wants to hear a song played 200 times a day? Even if a friend secretly blames me for my mistakes, it helps when they don’t speak it out loud because he or she knows naman that I know it already na ei. But when they do speak of it, it helps to always have something positive to speak as well. Discuss the solutions, not just the problems. And how can I move forward with my life if my past mistakes will be mentioned over and over again? Do I really have to be reminded of that every single minute of my life?

9. Doesn’t make sumbat – “I have introduced you to all my friends! I have given you these and that! ” And so? Did I ask you to do all of that? This is not sincerity in the very first place because if they were genuine, they would have forgotten all the help extended the minute they’re done with it. Simply because that’s stated in the Bible. Some people help just so they can brag about it. To tell everyone that this people owe them some money or something and they would have been nothing if not for their help.

10. Loves you as a “family” – I strongly feel that a real friend treats me just how they would treat a family member whom they love and cherish a lot.

11. Growth – They share their knowledge with me, I do the same, and we grow together. πŸ™‚

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The Boss is Leaving

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No exact words can describe how he touches hearts. It was my first time during my five-year tenure in Shell to be handled by Rommel. At first, I was excited but not too sure what to expect. I guessed that was a normal feeling. When I started having one-on-one sessions with him, I began to have a feeling of rapport as he was always starting our conversation asking about me, β€œChai, kumusta ka?” before he would begin firing questions on work matters. He also ensured I would not stay beyond normal working hours (that I was having a hard time managing) by personally dropping by my work station before leaving to remind me of such. There was also one time that I asked for authorization for a Sunday overtime but got refused because of HSSE (Health, Safety, Security, Environment) and personal reasons and he advised me to spend my day off with my children. Overall, he wanted a full picture of what I was doing – mostly work (and of course, a bit of my personal life), he wanted to stay on top of what I was doing, yet always asking me to be a friend to myself. He gave me updates and let me know where I stood when it came to my goals, ensuring we were always aligned. It was only nine months with him, but I felt like being close to him for years. Therefore, I never felt afraid of speaking my mind especially during our last one-on-one year-end engagement. He will definitely be missed by everyone. And as people move from places to places, I am sure that the memories will linger for a very long time.

Good Riddance

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1998-Dec-13

I wish I could ever say “Thank you” in every way possible. For caring so much for me; for being there when I needed a friend; for sharing with me wonderful moments of friendship; and most of all, for loving me.
And for all the headaches and heartaches I’ve caused you silently – in one way or another – I am sorry.
For all the times I’ve left you hanging around and you’ve felt being rejected…Ive never meant to cause you pain.

I guess you had always understood. But you are strange. Someone very different from any other guys I’ve met. You remained unselfish of all the love, support, and guidance you could give me….despite the circumstances. Those moments shared with you belongs to those rare times I’ve really felt needed, cared, and pampered by someone who sees me as more than a friend.

Thank you so much for showing me honesty and sincerity from the very start. And I want you to know that I have always cared for you, too. NO matter how hard…no matter wrong the situation was! Life isn’t a piece of cake! If only things aren’t that complicated.

For all you know, I could never be unfair to you, nor to him…. nor to myself…nor to anyone else. If I should want you, I would want to willingly want you. As in wanting anyone else no more.

So before we get ourselves caught up in this mess, I want us to stop. I would never want a day to come to you full of regret.

Mahal kasi kita at bilang kaibigan, ayokong masaktan ka in the sense na mapaasa kita sa wala dahil walang kasiguraduahn ang maio-offer ko sa ‘yo. Ayokong maghintay ka tapos wala rin naman pala! Hindi rin aku magiging masaya nuon. Dapat kasi, two-way traffic ang isang relasyon. I want you to have all the chance na mahanap iyong ganong klaseng relasyon with somebodyelse. Definitely not from me ‘coz hindi ko kayang ibigay ‘yon. Deserving kang mahalin nang totoo…kasi…totoo kang magmahal. πŸ™‚

I don’t know kasi if I could ever trust my heart to love again. Too much heartaches are enough for me. I guess I could never feel that way again and I know that you knew that, too.

Friend, I love you, goodbye, and good luck!

143 Lord

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1998-Apr-10

I love you, Lord,…
Though many times I fell and fail to obey you,
You have always remained forgiving and supportive of all your love.
How can I ever repay you?
When each time I tried to, shortcomings were along the crossroads.
Yet, you never left me.
Each time I needed you, you were there for me!
I just have one more wish to go.
For it is thru you that I have gained my life –
May You always live in me as much as I have lived always lived in you.

Happiness

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1997-Nov-1

Happiness is relative. It is a choice. On the other hand, it is the gay feeling that you feel when something desirable happens.
Happiness depends on whom you have and not on what you have. The mere fact that you have a bunch of trusted friends is already a success.
I have nothing to offer but myself. That you shall find a friend in me.